« I really need your help on this one! | Update time »
@ 10/05/2007 – 18:40:40
So, it wasn't him, it wasn't that he 'needed time to figure things out', he didn't 'need space', it wasn't that he 'wasn't ready for all this', he obviously didn't 'still have issues' with the ex...
No.
He wanted a girlfriend.
He just didn't want ME.
hally31
This is just the evidence you finally needed to realise that actually he isn't worth your love and time, he really is an inadequate, lying waste of space. All I do is quote from Mr. JT himself 'What comes around goes around'. xx
It makes me feel less alone to realize there are others in the same boat... the same thing happened to me recently and it hurts like a mother, but it's so common you kind of have to laugh at it (eventually). Men do it, women do it, we all hurt each other and do the wrong thing sometimes. I just hope we can all look back and say it was worth it.
I have dated and broke up with someone I have been with for 15 years and he is now dating someone else. I am terrified that he will get caught up in the way a new relationships feels and forget about all that we had. Is it better to be a friend to him right now and allow him to discover where his heart truely wants to be or should I be proactive and make every effort to show him how much I love him and remind him of all the reasons why our relationship had so much good left in it? I don't want to push him away by making him feel the pressure of guilt but I don't want to sit back quietly and allow him to discover love somewhere else either. What action has the best outcome?
I had the exact same speech from a guy I was seeing for 3 months. I'm not ready, I still have feelings for my ex, I don't want anything serious right now, bla bla bla. And then one week later he showed up at our local bar with another girl who was so clingy with him. I asked him last night whats going on there after i ran into them whilst they were on another date. He said he told her exactly what he told me but upfront this time, he doesnt want anything serious. Well though I am hurt let me just say that at least he did the right thing in ending it with me instead of stringing me along like he is this poor new girl. He obviously cared a little bit about me to not do that to me. Sometimes it really is HIM and not US.
I really liked this guy.. his frends told me that he liked me first.. i let the wee attraction grow into 'liking' and now it's massive!
We talked b4 he left to his country but the problem now is .. we never promised anything to each other except for telling each other that if situations permit, we will be together in future..
Now he's seeing someone else.. i heard that from his friend. i just can't believe this.. i can't even sink into it. i've built my feelings too strong to let go now.. 'move on' is the last thing i wanna hear.. i need help...not hurt. I wish he would realize how much he's confused me, someday..
I am just wondering if you ever gotten over your ex yet... I am going through this right now and it hurts so much. He dumped me because he didn't want anything serious bec he had just gotten out of a long term relationship. Recently I found out that he is seeing someone new. He even posted pics of them two on a popular website. I am so dumb to believe there might still be a chance for us... I feel so insecure and I keep asking myself what is wrong with me, why did he choose her instead of me? I will see this guy again bec we have the same major and I don't know how to face him. if you are over your ex can you please share how you got over him? Please... 
(. Thank you...
stella_jones
I'm amazed how even over a year after writing it, this post still rings true for people, and they take the time to comment, so thank you.
Serena, the first few months were really, really hard. I did an update post just after this Christmas which you can read here: http://stellainthecity.blog.co.uk/2008/12/30/how-things-change-in-a-year-5299696
His new girlfriend (the one after me), dumped him, of course. He came crawling back to me, of course. New Year's Eve just gone we met up, I let him get under my skin, and I shouldn't have. He said he wanted to get back together with me, and then, on January 4th, changed his mind. Read his texts here:
http://stellainthecity.blog.co.uk/2009/01/04/texts-5321205
So I allowed myself to basically get dumped by him all over again. Silly Stella! So please, learn from my mistakes, and be stronger than me. There is nothing wrong with you at all, you walk into your classes with your head held high, give him a smile and let him think of you as the one who got away. Guys like this don't deserve our tears x
Thanks for the reply stella. I really appreciate it. i landed on your blog because i kept searching on how to deal with and ex seeing someone else.. At this moment i truly still want him back... I don't blame you for taking him back because i think i wouldve done the same. but it's great that you have learned your lesson now and don't have to wonder what if or could've happened...
i was dating this guy for 3 months but we were already classmates for about a year (he even introduced me to his family) i asked him where i stood in his life and he figured that i am falling for him. he started avoiding me. we had a talk and he said he wants to go back to being good friends and that he doesn't want to be in a relationship bec he just got out of a 3 yr relationship. last semester was the worse for me, i kind of lost myself.. we were not only classmates but we hang around the same people. my world revolved on getting him back but i failed... winter break came along, i haven't seen or heard from him. then on jan. 1st, i went on his myspace page where he created a whole photo album about his trip with this girl to disneyland. this is hurting me so. i cried non stop and keep asking why her? what does she have that i don't? i wanted to confront him and say so it wasn't a commitment issue after all, it's me then... i keep thinking maybe i was just a rebound... i just want everything the way they were before. i miss him, his kiss and everything. 
i am trying to be strong stella... but there are moments when i just want to call him and see him and beg him back.. but no i don't want to humiliate myself... i just hope i could really keep my head up when i see him once school starts... hopefully i'll be fine... but to be honest i don't think i can handle seeing him with someone else...
how are you though? how are you handelling things now? are you better than the first time it happened?
Hey!
I actually just went through this... he told me he needed time to think things out, and it wasn`t that he was against dating but it was just bad timing... less then 2 months later he`s dating someone else!! What the...
I did really like him, but c'est la vie. He`s missing out on the best thing ever... He`ll be back...
I wish you the best of luck in your future... Thank you for posting this blog. It made me smile. ONWARD AND UPWARD!
xoxo
&Listen to Leona Lewis's song The Best You'll Never Have...my situation is that I just got out of a marriage that ended badly I guess it felt good when my friend started paying me a lot of attention, at first we both wanted to pursue something more then just friends with benefits, but I wasn't ready...then he wasn't ready...then I wasn't...then...you get the picture. We stopped sleeping together about six months before he started seeing someone else, he was missing the physical intimacy (gee & I'm not) but that's not what hurt, what has hurt is that he was a constant figure in my life till he started seeing her & slowly he's slipped away from me. He too said he wasn't ruling anything out for the future, but he also said he thought i needed a friend more then a boyfriend, where's the friendship now?! I still care for him but I have cut contact with him, until I am ready to be just friends, I have decided that I am worth more then being someone's maybe girl, I am the best he'll ever get but I know I can & will get better then him. I wrote out a list of traits I want in a man & I'm not going to compromise ever again...from now on I'm not interested in proving my worth to a man...but he must prove his to me 
I am in the same boat. After a 10 year relationship, he left me and was seeing someone else only a few months later. Ouch. I am really struggling, perhaps because I am seeing only the good in the relationship and not the bad, and there was bad. I felt second to things a lot, and often felt like he wanted to be out with everyone but me. So I know I am not only to blame. It takes two. And it takes two to communicate. I hoped time apart may have seen him reconsider, but he's seeing someone, who I know..double ouch.
I can't believe how many women just like myself have been through this! How dare they think they have all the control! I dated a much older man (60 soon to be 61 in a month!) and he is still playing these ridiculous games! He told me he needed time to get his new manufacturing plant up and running, and that he wasn't interested in dating any other women. LYING bastard! Ladies, they know they are not good enough for us. The wench he dumped me for is at his house all the time, and I honestly believe he will dump her just as he does all the other ones. I think he really loved/loves me and knows he isn't good enough. He is just a horny old bastard, and try as he might, they don't make 'em like me! I will have the last laugh.
stella_jones
Great attitude Kimberly... I am stunned how many guys are wheeling out this old lie, and how many of us fall for it! Well - no more - move onwards and leave him to his 'wench'! Let me know how you get your last laugh ;-)
It is really hard as you can't help but think thoughts that just devalue what you had. It's hard not to feel anger and hate, but that is all part of the grieving process for the relationship.
You need to be strong and remember the time you had as a happy time. Some love affrairs are meant to be short stories, others are epics that span the years. I thought Tim was an epic, but he was a very good book.
Who knows what will happen in the future as he keeps wondering if he broke something that was perfect anyway?! He always backs himself in a decison, but he still doesn't feel that he made the right decision and can't help wondering if he'll look back at this moment and think 'what have I done?' Not my problem! He knows we can never go back to how we used to be! And I am under no illusions of us getting back together, but I am not one to cut my nose off, just to spite my face.
When we broke up, although my heart was broken and I was devasted, my head had clarity and body had closure. I surprised myself at how strong I was. My emotions now feel at peace as we had a catch up 2 weeks ago about joint account stuff and for the week before that I had been going through the hate and why was I fool to fall for him and to buy into the bigger picture and believe him. It was good to talk through those feelings with him. I haven't cried in 13 days (I put in my diary 'DNC' for the days I did not cry...
Come Friday, it will be 2 months since he broke my heart and his. However, the timeframe seems like 6 months! Whilst everything else is sorted and at peace, the heart just needs time.
You have to act with class, poise and dignity, even when you don't feel happy.
People handle break ups in different ways. Most surround themselves with friends and family to help that healing process. Others get back in the game straight away and are able to see other people quite soon after. That is hurtful, especially if the time lapse is short.
At the end of the day, it's not you, but him!
Hey dude. Just came across your blog while doing an internet search.
I am still in love with me ex. He split up with me because he wanted 'some space.' In that time, everytime I saw him he was with a different girl. Now he is seeing someone properly. She looks just like me.
Don't think I can give any decent advise because right now I want to die. But I feel for you.
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Its times like this that make me think all men are bastards!!! Far too many men will come up with stupid excuses instead of being upfront and honest about situations like that - I hope I never get like that if I ever get anywhere with girls!