I am completely devoid of any motivation or joie de vivre today, I pulled a sickie at work and have spent the day in bed doing absolutely nothing but waste time facebook-stalking on the internet.

But, briefly, Thursday's reparations were not successful. He met me at the station, he took me home, we spent the first half of the evening making pleasant conversation all the while avoiding the 'IT'S NOT WORKING OUT' elephant that was in the room.

Eventually, come 10pm, I cracked. I said this was stupid. You're telling me it's not working out yet here we are having a completely normal evening (apart from the not kissing, hugging etc). We get on great. So what the hell's the problem?

I'm just not happy, he said. It's just not what I want right now. It's nothing to do with you, I just don't feel it's working out right now.

I stayed overnight. I sobbed my heart out in his arms. He lay there holding me so tight as I told him how much I was going to miss him. He said I was so special and that he'd miss me too. He said perhaps in the future things would be different, who knows? It was an awful night. I cried there in his bed til nearly 4. I didn't want to go to sleep because I knew if I did it would only mean I'd have to wake up, and leave.

One thought that got me so upset was thinking about all the lovely things he'd said to me, not three, four weeks previously. I told him so and he said, what's the point in thinking about those? Because that's how you once felt and I want to know what's changed, I wanted to scream... Because I want to know why we can't get back to that!

Friday morning we went for lunch before he dropped me at the station. Once again we were chatting away as normal, the same in jokes, the same smiles, but no kisses or affection. At one point i shook my head, he asked me why? I said, I'm sorry, I just don't understand. I can't. He said, but we've already spoken about this. True I thought, but I didn't understand then and I don't understand now.

He dropped me off at the station. I watched his car leave, trying to hide the tears streaming down my face. As my train pulled in, I texted him: I'm sorry for getting so upset last night but understand it's only because I care about you so much. You're so special... Whatever it would take to be with you, I'd do.

He replied. You are very special too. I just don't think it's working out at the moment. I'm really sorry it's had to be like this.

As for the future.... Who knows?