I know that this might seem silly or trivial to some people. It's not been two weeks since M told me he didn't want to be in contact any more, and since then he's been as good as his word. But I'd always hoped that one day we could be friends, or at least civil, to each other again. I miss him it's true but apart from that I didn't want to A look back on this year as a waste and B look back on the things we did and feel sad or bitter - if we were still in contact, I reasoned, then that wouldn't happen.

I was encouraged by this in the fact that we were still facebook friends - that might sound silly but I took it to mean there was still one line of communication open, should we choose to use it. Well about half an hour he took me off. Deleted me.

I don't know what I have done to make him hate me so much that he now, obviously, never wants to speak to me again, and clearly can't see us ever speaking or being friends again. I am sitting here at work trying hard not to cry (failing a little) but inside I am so sad about it all. If he never really felt very serious about me and us then why on earth does he not feel able to speak to me. Or even want me as a friend. What have I done to him to make him feel that? Why am I such a bad person in his mind? How and why have I obviously affected him so much?

I just want to go home and cry. I hate London I hate being so alone, I wish I had never come down. I wish I could go back to just over a year ago, I had a great job I was living in a great house, and, more to the point, I had never met M and so I could never have felt this hurt.