I am off on my hot date with M2!

Afternoon all!

Have been working my bum off all week so I'm looking forward to sailing across to france this weekend. You can pretty much guarantee the boat will be loaded up with cases of wine on our return! Heading down to the south coast tonight then we're setting off early tomorrow morning, so keep your fingers cross for dry weather with a stiff breeze please

Got a hot date next Wednesday! Looking forward to it as it seems quite promising so fingers crossed again! Only problem is, he has the same name as M, so what shall I call him on here? M2?!

Life is busy, but good. I have to move house again in six weeks' time, and also in four weeks' time I have to have written a 5,000 word project for uni. I happen to have written not one word of that, and for the next 3 out of 4 weekends I'm sailing so it looks like I may have a problem with that one. Hmm what to do? I'll pull it out of the bag, because I *have* to, but I'm sure I'm taking years off my life with all this stress and constant 'being on the go'

Off for lunch now. I'm SO tempted to treat myself to this for when I'm sailing...
http://www.pentax.co.uk/_uk/photo/products/index.php?cameras&gruppe=digital%20compact&produkt=17234&id=uebersicht

BUT I've just had to get an £8k loan to pay for the Atlantic jaunt! Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket...

What's everyone else doing for the weekend?

Never again. That's it. C'est tout. I have always known J was a tw*t but time and time again I would make excuses, say "yes but", and generally be oblivious to all of his bastardness. Since we split we have been in contact... sometimes every day, sometimes a few times a week. Since he found out I was going to be in the Clipper race (the round the world amateur sailing race), we have been in touch a lot more (seeing that he is a round the world yachtsman!). He has been really encouraging of the trip, said he would give as much support and advice as he could; he has helped me with ideas for sponsorship, what gear to buy etc. When I am going sailing for the weekend, or I'm down on the south coast, I let him know - admittedly we haven't met up yet, but he keeps saying that I owe him a pint in return for all this advice; and when it was fireworks night at Cowes last weekend, he asked if I would be down and whether he could come along with me.

So what's my point? That I thought we had a friendly relationship. "thought" being the operative verb! Because...

I have just found out he is in London for the weekend. And yet he didn't even mention a word of it to me. Even when I asked "any plans this weekend?" earlier today, he *still* didn't say a word. It feels like this 'friendship' is a sham. What exactly is he getting out of it? Why is he still in touch with me if he doesn't even like me enough to say "Hey, I'm coming up to london for the weekend, what are you up to?"

WHAT is the point???

I worked out this morning that this year alone I have been on 16 first dates. Of these I kissed 11 and of those I slept with three. Of the three, one turned into a relationship.

They were designers, solicitors, students, firemen, sailors, city boys. We went for drinks, dinners, walks, to see films. Some dates I regretted almost immediately (just no chemistry); whereas some I never wanted to end. The relationship, I never wanted it to finish.

Invariably, the ones I really liked didn't like me. They'd only be out for a 'good time', for a shag. When they didn't get it, they'd drop of out contact, bored, dismissive. They didn't want a relationship.

The ones who liked me? Unfortunately I never really liked them - I didn't fancy them, or their personality. Or, as in one particularly memorable case, he declared his undying love for his ex as we were walking back to the tube. That kind of confession tends to put me off fancying people.

I'm getting bored and frustrated by this state of affairs. I am starting to seriously wonder what on earth is wrong with me. Am I just seen as a good-time girl? Pleasant enough to spend an evening with but not anything longer? That's how it feels.

I've been looking for ten years now. Where is he?

I am sure this has happened to other people - it's happened to me often enough - so I thought it was worthy of a blog. Oh and under no circumstance is the following based on my own experience

You know when you're out with friends for a few drinks, you get introduced to someone and BAM that's it, you both feel it? You definitely want to get to know him a little more, and the conversation starts to flow as he offers to buy you a drink. As the night progresses there's a bit of body contact, definite flirting, eventually he looks at you and says 'oh look, everyone seems to have left us'... you look around the bar and nod your agreement while smiling shyly. Inevitably, he lowers his head and gives you the perfect kiss and you start to melt inside.

Then when the bar closes you all head outside in the chilled night air to find your taxis, there's the look of longing in his eyes but you both know better than to act on it so early. So you swap numbers and a quick kiss goodbye (sigh! everyone's looking!), and he even lends you his jacket to go home in - officially because it's cold, but secretly you both know the real reason is to guarantee you'll be seeing each other again.

Barely are you in the taxi for five minutes and he is texting you, "I'm so cold, how about we meet next week and you can give me my jacket back, we could go for a drink too?", and you squeal with your friend because YES he texted! There are hundreds of different ways you can reply, but they all mean the same thing: YES, and you know that neither of you can wait. And he keeps on texting, funny, flirtatious, cheeky. Eventually it's bed time so reluctantly, you say: "Speak tomorrow?" "Definitely, night night".

And then... Tomorrow comes.
The day after.
And the one after that.
You hear nothing.

Well, you KNOW he's got your number. And he SAID he would call. And for heaven's sake, doesn't he want his jacket back?

What happened?