I should have listened to my head.

He came round, we went out, he got what he wanted, and now he's changed his mind about 'us' and our future. Without any form of explanation or apology. He's not even bothering to reply to my texts.

I feel stupid and used and foolish. And, more painfully, completely and utterly gutted.

I decided to take a bit of advice from my head, and a bit from my heart. There are quite a lot of ingredients that make up this particular mix. Firstly, our companies work together and we have to see each other once a week, and phone/email contact throughout the rest of the week. For this reason alone, I need to know he's not going to be a fly-by-night guy who's going to disappear after the first time we get intimate.

Secondly, I have fallen for him. I mean, in a massive way. If I gave him my heart then he'd have the potential to really rip it up and stamp all over it. I don't think he will though. Because he has said he feels the same about me.

Finally, there is the biggie. And this is where you're going to change your mind. Because he has a big BUT. In the shape of an ex looming on the horizon. They haven't been split for long and they were together for a few years. Ouch. Why is there always a catch?! Good news she's off to do some charity work in another country for a few months. Out of sight and out of mind I hope. Bad news, well just the fact the split was fairly recent is bad news enough isn't it?

So on Sunday, for a moment, I let my head rule my heart. I told him that I couldn't see him until he was absolutely sure that he was over the ex and that he knew the things he wanted and that the potential of a relationship with me was one of those things. Because otherwise, I said, then this is just going to end in tears, and as hard as it is to quit things now it'll be far better than tearing things apart a month or two down the line. He was devastated. He said he couldn't not see me and that I already had him in the palm of his hand. I relented. We went for lunch on Monday, we shared some more kisses. Electrifying. We talk every day and we had another lunch yesterday.

Tonight we're having our first 'proper' date, out for dinner. I can't wait to spend all that time together, just the two of us. I guess after the weekend I'll have a better idea of whether my head or my heart was correct.

P.S. in other news I'm handing my notice in on Monday. Have had enough of toiling my guts out on things that DON'T REALLY MATTER in the grand scheme of things so have decided to do something about it.

When it comes to decisions, relationship decisions, do you let yourself be guided by your head or your heart?

What about when you have had a bitter previous experience, and now you see the warning signs that similar might happen again, and your head knows that if you follow your heart, you are most very likely going to get burned by the flames?

What about when you have met someone unlike anyone you have ever met before, he kissed you and it took your breath away, and you are sick and tired of having been on your own for the last three years?

What if he comes with strings attached?

What do you do?

There’s a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we’re often told, "seek and ye shall find"
So I’m going to seek a certain lad I’ve had in mind

Looking everywhere, haven’t found him yet
He’s the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret

I’d like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There’s a somebody I’m longin’ to see
I hope that he turns out to be
Someone who’ll watch over me

I’m a little lamb who’s lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who’ll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key

Won’t you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

Won’t you tell him please to put on some speed?
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

Someone to watch over me.

And trying to polish off this project which has to be done by midnight!

This degree is the hardest thing I have done in my LIFE!

OK, so where have I been this month? The answer is here, sat in the office, writing my end-of-year project for the second year of my masters. It's got to be printed, bound and sent off on Monday so I need to get it finished by Sunday. The relief I feel when I post off this 5,000 words of philosophical goodness will know no bounds! Free at last...! Well until February at least, when the dissertation starts.

I've been writing the project at the office because the atmosphere at home is pretty bad. I think a couple of the girls had a row and so they moved out. The other girl that was left decided to move her boyfriend IN so I've been feeling like a guest in my own home while the two of them lounge on the sofa in control of the tv all day and generally act as if they own the place. Deep down though I'm not too bothered as I've found a gorgeous flatshare in West London (5 mins from the tube and 10 mins from the river), and I'm moving there two weeks tomorrow. It's going to absolutely kill my bank balance but for six months, it'll be worth it. Yep you heard right, I've finally managed to plan ahead in my life and so in six months' time when my friend's house is up for rent, we're moving in together. She used to live in my block at halls in uni so I'm really looking forward to finding a cool flat and throwing dinner parties and cocktail evenings!

What else - aaah of course my sailing adventure. Well the contract's signed and sealed and I'm doing my first week's training in about six weeks' time. I can't remember if I told you but I'm not doing the first leg anymore but the final leg of the round the world race, which basically means Caribbean - New York - UK. It's going to be amazing, and it's a good thing it's 18 months away as I need to work out how to raise some money for it!

Lads/blokes/fellas - Well M2 didn't work out (my decision, can't be bothered to explain). Despite everything else that's going on in my life I'd still love to find someone, and I can't believe that I'm going into another winter without anyone to cuddle in front of the fire! I've been on a few dates etc, but - and I don't know if I've just been unlucky here - wihout question they are all after just one thing. Two nights ago for example I was texting this one guy, and apropos of NOTHING he texted me a photo of him in his boxers. I mean seriously! What is a girl to do?! And where is a girl to find a lovely boyfriend? In a city of 8 million people, it's proving surprisingly hard.